i'm pleased to announce i can now open a bottle of wine with my shoe if called upon to do so.
you only had a canadian ten, but you said it was all good cuz you would just by molson.
He said I was trying to make the bouncer dance with me AS he was throwing me out
I'm drugging my best friend. I'm like a whole new level of bitch.
You know me. Don't need roses, just dick and food.
Nice. Don't spend your therapist's co-pay on Jaeger bombs.
Vom Wallet is no more. We now boldly enter a responsible, adult era where we will not throw up liquor onto ourselves.
I texted him 3 days ago he said he was pre gaming for the Super Bowl today he just text" gtomajg kaka hee 48!!!"
You were spooning an empty magnum of white wine in the middle of the bed so I slept on the couch
Well at least there's no more confusion about your place in my life. Wine > pizza > your dick > the rest of you.
Love you...
A check for $9 that I used to buy six boxes of Girl Scout cookies bounced. I think I've hit a new low.
I may or may not of seen my high school physics teacher making out with my old high school boyfriend at the bar last night
I may be a complete scumbag but even im not willing to spend a grand and sit on a plane for 24 hours just for shrooms and a blowjob
No no no, I want to share him with you. Think of it as me sharing a piece of delicious pie with you. He was THAT GOOD.
Yeah well I fucked my ex on a sink last night soooo booty calls for us all
we went to the skate park then back to her house for dinner, and somehow that ended with her making me blueberry pancakes at 2am
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