I am officially superior to you. I said "Go Go Gadget Dick" before I fucked her. I dare you to beat that.
Everyone is in jail. I'll see what i can do though
I checked into jail on foursquare
Your ass just called me, someone was yelling "awful waffle" and also, " I don't know who's hands are who's anymore"
It got to the point that I had to make flashcards with their name on the front and dick pics on the back.
I can't take any time off so I'll be here drinking mimosas til I puke at home with my kitty
You made a glowstick headband with a helium balloon tied around it and climbed a tree in high heels. I was impressed.
On a toatally unrelated note, I see music in my hair
I don't wanna be gay for a night.
I think it would be worth it for free alcohol.
She was drunk and naked on our couch, sweating and masterbating to SNL. We made eye contact and she didn't even stop. It's new-roommate-o-clock
As I was puking, these 2 guys started peeing next to me chanting me on
I was picked up from his hotel room at 5 a.m. and came home with my panties and jäger in a McDonald's bag so the desk attendant wouldn't judge me. This is what single at 25 is about.
bought a large fruitopia from McDonalds at 7:45 this morning. Spilled it on the ground. Cried. THAT hungover.
He's giving me the absolute bare minimum amount of attention. Like whatever motherfucker, I've had like six super likes on tinder today
So TMI but just realizing I have not masturbated since trump took office. He's sucked the sex drive out of me.
Randomize
