he sent her a picture of his penis to show that he "trusts her" or some shit like that..well she showed it to me, and let me just tell you..it looked like a freaking slug or something. creepiest penis i've ever seen. hands down
i don't know what the guinness world record is for longest time eating nothing but skittles but i'm going on six days
Also, just grabbed a bunch of "tuxedo black" condoms. formal, anyone?
Wow, haven't had to deal with the 'stoned at the dinner table' scenario in a while
He's really hot. I think he's gonna be my reason to shave this winter.
He just keeps repeating "this isn't my bagel".. i'm worried for his safety
MOMMMMMMMMMMAYYY! YOU BIRFED ME TODAYY. IM CELEBRTIN ON YUR BEHAF! THANK YOU!!!!!
I always hoped you would never inherit this side of my personality. Hon, trust me, you're a mess. Go to bed...alone. xoxoxo
I just don't know about this life anymore. Quite frankly I think I belong up there in the great blue, lounging on a cloud sippin tea with Jesus
We were fucking at break-dick speeds.
I got punched in the face by a Cowboy last night. Then he bought me a beer cause o convinced security not to kick him out the bar. Start of a fairytale love story? I think so.
Want to go home, so casually slip my underwear in his pocket. Never seen him grin so big and say goodbye to his friends.
Drowning in science and also vodka. Hope you're having fun.
I just ironed my gstring.. this is please fuck my brains out on a whole new level.
We need to move to a different bar soon. When we're standing on the patio, and every guy around us has seen us naked...there's a problem
I'm too horny to sleep. I need some violent sex to wind me down.
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