Can't remember why I called but it definitely had something to do with Lou Bega
He made me stop in the middle of giving him a blowjob so he could go get his glasses. because he "wanted to see". I need to stop dating nerds.
My dermatologist just asked me, "what happened here?" referring to the bruising on my nipples. I told her I walked into a door. Thanks for that awkward moment.
i seriously have like 9 pictures of people taking shots out of a vag on my camera....
We made it a contest to fuck on everything in your room while you were on vacation.
We were playing hot potato with real potatoes at 3am
There was booze on his face and I wanted it. I'm not sorry.
I spent 10 minutes contemplating condensation on grapes this morning.
First table when you walk in. Can't miss us. I'm wearing a feather boa and a green hat
You had me at first table
Im fairly sure two chicks roofied me last night. Suckers. I love free drugs.
Literally this kid just told me he's not planning to live past 30. Then he hit himself with a frying pan.
HE TALKS ABOUT HIS DICK IN THIRD PERSON ABORT MISSION ABORT FUCKING MISSION
I'm pretty sure that's why we have such good sex because we are secretly trying to kill each other
He was basically a horny puppy - following me around all night and kept sticking his hand down my pants.
I'd still fuck that
You'd fuck a dead moose
Quite possible
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