I knew I had to get an abortion when his toddler sister came up to hug my leg and I kicked her off saying, "Get off, fucker."
I hate that the only Italian aspect of me is I get red and sweaty when I drink
Left for charity run at 5AM. Saw a pigeon eating last night's vomit and a pair of shame-walkers in high heels. Nature at it's finest.
He told me that "my little fuckpig" was a term of endearment in Britain. I think I'm in love.
She literally just changed his birthday. Overly attached girlfriend has nothing on her.
I've reached the gravitational age where it's very hard to get my face and my boobs in the same shot without some kind of yoga involved .
Nothing like waking up naked and alone on your floor to remind you that you make life mistakes often.
There is always the bar, but 2 30 on a Tuesday just screams alcoholism
It's like he drunk calls 6 times for me to come over, but can't say hello at lunch.
Okay. So I've done lines off a bible. But that's just for the sake of being cliché.
The dominoes guy came back thirty mins later to ask me out. I guess he figures if I'm eating pizza alone I must have gotten dumped
Can i have the words "she went crazy and never came back" written on my grave?
My desire to pee is a lot higher than my need to be buzzed right now.
and then the sword just ended up between my legs
Thanks for supporting me through Robs retirement. I'm still in shock, but your dick helped.
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