Dear tim. Christina farted and it smells like kid roses.
well thats why i like him. because he makes you happy. on the other hand i think he masturbates too much while texting you.
I'm not sure which one did it but one of them fucked the kink out of my neck
We were showing our tits to everyone because it's breast cancer awareness month and we care deeply
I thought we were doing it cause it's Tuesday
when you greet her, try not to lead with "this night will end with you on top of me". first impressions, bro.
If we can only get laid once in a blue moon, apparently this will be our month.
She just drunkenly falls over and yells " I lost my footing!" in a british accent and then proceeds to run into the wall... did you spike her water?
Just considered playing a drinking game with powerade with my sister so she would get some fluids in her. I do so well with sick people.
Hahahahaha. That's what your stoned ass gets for eating half a bag of processed cheese at 2am.
you said I shouldn't try to fill the void in my meaningless life with dicks but i am trying and it totally works
I ate the crust off the pizza and left the rest in the box. Even I would hate me.
I woke up to his balls in my face, so naturally I limboed under him and headed to the bathroom. When I came out he was asleep on the floor.
Oh. So it is a cult
Basically. But a nice cult. They eat muffins and talk about fundraising.
You know what...ii have the turtles...were together....i love these god damn turtles...
We got cut off at the bar, but it's okay because I tactically rolled behind the bar and grabbed a bottle of whiskey. Meet me in the back booth when you're done puking in the bathroom. This is about to get real slutty.
Randomize
