"I want to just tie you up so you\'ll still be here like this when I get home." Actual words.
i find it depressing how it takes me longer to find a good video compared to the actual jacking off process.
I'll just tell her I'm here with you picking out a buttplug for her to say "I'm sorry".
Received a verbal warning at work for "riding in a trash receptacle, violating professionalism & infection control."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think I'm dead. Why did I think it was a good idea to hang from the banister while someone poured liquor into my mouth?
Mango bong: no go. Guava bong: sweet flaming buddha it was delicious. I shall teach you the ways of tropical fruit trees.
if you do the accent, i'll wear the eyepatch
We decided it was acceptable to walk out of class on a quest for Doritos. That high.
This is kind of a weird question but were you the other girl Ben asked to do a group sex thing with?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I gave him a BJ and he left. Coincidentally that's the name of my memoir.
My drug dealer bought me a book for Christmas. What a gentleman.
I think my pickup truck has been used for the sex... This doesn't sit right with me.
if jesus wore shoes made out of pure flavor and hurricane kicked u in the face thats how it feels to eat pizza bites right now
I called him my big strong man today. It's all downhill from here. Matching Christmas sweaters, here we come
It was like Strip poker and blow, but with Yu-Gi-Oh cards
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