she gave me a schnouzer then wanted to kiss while we were having sex...i had to puppy slap her nose. pick me up out front.
Is it proper Ass-Fingering-Etiquette to tell her u felt her poop or just pretend it didn't happen?
Dude, this place has 10% alcohol beer on tap. It's like God's semen.
Even My mom was ashamed of me bringing her home, she pulled me aside, and told me i can do better than, "butter faces"
he just made me youtube cheetahs running and he thinks he is in a pool
I just couldn't help myself when there was a FOUNTAIN OF SHOTS
it felt like i was a kid in an empty playground. i fucked him on every piece of furniture in the house and then when his housemates showed up i was naked in his bed like i'd been there all along.
I think animal control just caught me smoking a bowl on the back porch. Do they have any say in this matter?? Haha
He broke up with me over the phone while I was getting my bush waxed into a "D" for his surprise birthday present. Talk about bad timing...
I might have beaten my fastest all time record going from "I really really like this girl" to "fuck that bitch"
I just tried to make cleaning gasoline off your shoes with toilet paper in the Chemistry Building bathroom look normal. I failed.
I just traded 5 cigarettes for a sandwich on they greyhound.You owe me 5 cigarettes. I told you I would get hungry.
i am rolling on molly so fucking hard i want to do 300 cartwheels
Seriously. There were about 4 hours in which I swear my nose was not attached to my face.
I would totally suck a dick for some poutine right now
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