How is Miami?
Omk. I'm shitggaved om loincoln
The guy asked if i had a problem w/set schedules
I kiss like a newly born barfing kangaroo
I'm drinking in the hospital parking lot.
jack dropped his pants and said "bet u've never seen a dick this big." which was really sad cuz i had never actually seen one that small...you have like pinch it between ur thumb and pointer finger to give a HJ
well i just set every background of each phone in the verizon store to my face
I don't care if he acts like a don't exist 6 days a week. On the 7th day he makes makes my vagina cry. In a good way. Jesus understands.
I got cut off for calling the flower girl a slut. What are you doing?
I just found a 2 minute video on my phone of you throwing up in a fake plant.
I'm having mini little movies in my head. Like for example. You were talking to a blue whale with jazz man sunglasses, but not the ray charles jazz sunglass. More like sunglasses that are round. Anyway, he has a baguette and stupid french hat. And you , you had your harry potter glasses.
I don't care how fucking drunk you are, you don't forget wanting to shove a wine bottle up someone's ass.
True friends don't judge, they just try to have more booty calls than you do.
He threw me over his shoulder and carried me outside, all the while drinking from the bottle of rum he was holding, while my ex watched. I'm winning the break-up.
Best case scenario I do a bunch of dirty things to you, blow your mind and you enjoy it. Worst case I stare at you, poke at you, smile and droll on myself, you laugh.
I have to tell him to stop eating me out so I'm not late for work; my life could be a lot worse.
Randomize
