I'm holding in my pee so that I can hear "Cowboy" in its entirety on the radio
She was so bad on top that i found myself watching a TV that wasn't even turned on
So, after having sex with my 4th overweight girl in 2 weeks, I've decided Charlie Sheen syndrome is ruining my life.
I woke up while squatting on top of my bed peeing on my comforter and my laptop
Left my card at the bar and had a drunk girl climb on the hood of my running car to scream at me.
I wonder if i could put a dildo on my bike seat to encourage me to exercise.
There are too many people and smells in this elevator for my hangover to handle.
On a lighter note, my mom and I were playing scattergories, and for "things that you keep hidden" we both put dildo. Proof that we really are related.
Today's forecast is horny with strong chance of booty calls. Low of Craigslist cruising, and a high of climaxing in a stranger's bed.
You realize your sleeping pills are working when you pick up your iPhone and almost bite it because you thought it was a graham cracker
Found your counterpart from cali. Walked into the bar we were in with milk and a donut, ordered a beer and said anything his group wanted was on his tab....dangerous
Also cheers for the reminder to check last night's texts. It's been a magical adventure through drunk me's thought process.
she got the mcdonald's logo tattooed on her ass. sober. yesterday at noon.
We haven't been trashed enough to shut down a bar together in four days. I'm starting to worry that we're growing apart.
Christopher Columbus didn't sail the ocean blue so I would have to go to class and not have sex with my boyfriend
Randomize
