You going out tonight?
No I am at the hospital. Throwing up blood is apparently frowned upon.
I don't even know why im sitting in this office eating a poptart.
i swear, as soon as they invent a cure for herpes, he's mine.
It's Friday afternoon and I'm drunk. This is how I cope.
If you're that baked in a class full of people that know you're that baked you tend to offer up a peace offering. Its like the burrito of trust! If eaten you are now obligated to help maintain my grades and keep me from falling out of my chair. $3.75 a morning is worth it for that mafia type protection!
It has become abundantly clear why you give me pixie stix when you're drunk now...
when I said energy drinks I meant cocaine
Poking every semi-decent guy on Facebook in the hopes that one of them will want to hook up with me tonight. So far all i've accomplished is 5 new poke wars which i will most certainly continue after this weekend.
I just imagined myself as R2-D2 and you as C3P0 walking around the Vegas desert looking for alcohol
You would only karaoke to Spanish songs, but sang with the accent of the french candle stick in beauty and the beast.
Some guy named spider just bought me 5 shots
You blew him?!?!
*Am blowing
And I keep taking breaks to write you back, please stop replying.
Oh my god. We just got locked out of our cabin and went to the neighbor's to see if they had a key and caught the neighbor jerking it. My night > your night
FUCK the WHO, FUCK cancer, I'm gonna eat fucking bacon.
I accidentally mass texted his dick pic. Not only to my friends, but to my dad as well...
I woke up to rachel asking "did anyone else fall out of a tree last night?"
Randomize