We just made mixed drinks in the bathroom of burger king. This is sad.
At this point I feel like i'm never going to be sober, and it's frightening
At least the cops kept you away from sleeping with her. Protect and Serve.
I dont care if he cant spell. Illiterate people need blowjobs too
No he's here. We were watching Harry Potter stoned as shit and he fell asleep with his head in my lap. I'll figure out what to do with him after Harry gives Dobby the sock.
Look on the bright side, one day you will get to tell your grandkids how grandpappy got roofied on his 21st and woke up in a for sale house missing his shoes
be warned: you might find a baby hampster in my bra
I think I'm going to add the date I dumped his sorry ass as a life event on FB.
I think that's justified.
I'm straight up riding in the back of my truck in a bean bag chair right now. Feet propped up and four loko in hand. Glorious.
Why is your ex naked in my apartment?
I'm at a loss. By loss I mean singing songs from Wicked and pretending I'm at the Oscars
I'm sorry I put my balls through your watch. On another note your roommate had them on his shoulder too sry
No one needs to know about the barren wasteland that is my vag. Sometimes i visualize my cervix rocking back and forth wondering where everybody went.
I just pictured that. It's reading a book.
the last thing I remember is taking a pull of ever clear and chasing it with vodka
He put his number in my phone as Steve handsome
Randomize
