My little sister just found a condom in her bag i borrowed... Happy fourteenth birthday.
her vagina looked like a handful of raisins.
Also I am about to cut a ringtone from "Sex Machine" so James Brown can tell me to "get up, get on up" in the morning
I once woke up to the scream from 'get up offa that thing' and smacked my head on my desk
no more everclear, i just stood next to the toilet and peed my pants. then went back to the party soaking wet.
I just ate a fried snickers. I now officially accept all fat jokes
I'm genuinely dissapointed that we didn't make any fat chicks cry
I got a Luke Skywalker costume so I can go do battle with the homeless guy who plays the fiddle dressed as Darth Vader downtown.
Only thing I got out of his drunken Spanish is something that sounded like "pencil sharpener." Damn rosetta stone.
What's the politically correct way of saying you've made someone your bitch?
I am broke enough to accept it. If I get poisoned, you can have my shoes
I WISH WE COULD PLAY THE DRINKING GAME TOGETHER AND THEN BANG FOR AMERICA.
I'm sorry I came to your house drunk and fed pizza to your dog.
They only searched every other person. But I sacrificed myself to get our vodka across the border
I get stoned and write a 15 page history report in two hours. She gets stoned and cries because she "doesn't know which shade of pink is the real one".
I just want this to serve as a reminder in the morning that the topic of conversation at last call was the penis size of jesus.
Randomize
