Thats the last time I go out drinking with my Irish friends. Two shots of flaming sambucca = bar on fire. I was only trying to high five the barman.
Dude..masurbate with cocoa butter lotion..its like cocoa pebbles just gave me a hand job
the fact that i fell through a skylight is the least humiliating part of the night
We had sex after spending two hours in the drunk tank. It was really deep and meaningful
thanks for being my moral compass. and thanks for not always pointing north so i can be slutty and not feel bad about it.
Off topic, but is it sad that Matthew and I are calculating how much sex we need to have in order to work off a taco bell burrito?
Im going to make a sandwich and see if my books came from amazon. I cant believe two years ago i was dating eight guys and teaching russian exchange students how to do shots.
He said I showed up in just my underwear and a bunch of towels I stole from the party I was at.
Ugh contemplating vodka and chocolate protein powder as this Capri sun and vodka isn't really cutting it
I have to have sex on a bidet. I'm not sure what kind, but it's reason #4 for an Italian vacation!
His buddy came running in the room after we had sex, and started "sponging" the sweat off my forehead with his sport wristband.
All I know is that I have a black eye and an extra $200 in my wallet. Other than that, clueless.
Yeah! Just remind me to. I'll also bring the blow up penis
Just found an airplane bottle of whiskey and I didn't put it in my coffee. I think I deserve a little recognition this morning.
I can't believe just smoked out of a pear
I can't believe you had a pear already made to smoke out of, that was impressive
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