you might get a letter about the baby you put in me. i was mad when i sent it.
You were partners with her mom and you began calling her "the Robert Horry of beer pong" You also kept telling her that she was hotter than her daughter.
mom just called and i was mid bong hit but i answered anyways coughing and sounding rough she the apologized for waking her little angel up. its 2PM
Yeah i knew he wasn't okay when he told me he was "seeing his vision"
No worries you cant actually turn into a wine snob if you brew it in your closet....
You defs just slept for 6 hours in a porta pottie. You should probably just kill yourself.
Hes screaming about Slender man. whatever hes on is probably not healthy.
Glow parties are what I live for
Your priorities in life astound me
trust me, you don't know shame until you're in a peacock costume getting CPR by random dudes
I really feel like I should slow down on the getting hammered. I told a bartender on "Taco Tuesday" that a $3 margarita was too expensive. And proceeded to have a $70 tab.
I mean honestly, what would you have done?
Not screw her in the church house?
I'm not a whore anymore. I gave up 90% of my women for you. I'm a 4-5 woman kind of guy now.
What's the polite way to tell someone she's a grown ass woman and she needs to start acting like it.
Someone broke into my car last night. Didn't take anything, even left the beer in my backseat. They need to get their priorities straight, obviously.
i literally have the attention span of a weasel on steroids, but yeah, i know who you’re talking about.
Randomize
