If only guys knew how much awkward ass shaving goes into making sex this good...
I recommend you throw your keys as far as you can in one direction, your phone as far as you can in the opposite direction, and hold on.
Seriously. All i can say is im covered in mud, my jaw hurts, i cannot straighten my arm, egg is everywhere, and there is a dead squirrel.
You kept mumbling that you could become one with the carpet as you proceeded to give yourself the worst carpet burn I have ever seen
I just got back to our room ....neither of us spent the night there but both our beds are occupied. send help.
Well that's my green light to bang ur brother. Its not real til its on fb
I'm at the point where I'm gonna write in my mothers bday card. Happy birthday. Please stop having sex with the door open.
I've been back for one day and I've already given two bjs. Improvement from last year.
Hey, taking organic chemistry means no one is allowed to tell you you're partying too hard.
I have never encountered a chode in the wild
I don't think tits should taste like fish.
We got drunk, we had raw sex and we discussed about the showrunner change in Doctor Who, in that order.
I just do things that aren't classy the classy way.
Ya’ll! My debit card got switched with my boss’ at lunch today (both Red Wells Fargo)....I realized it at whole foods AFTER I ran it for $100 at Vanity Room getting my vaj waxed 🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️. Most awkward IOU ever tomorrow.
Fuck man, I am really high rn and all I've eaten is different forms of pie
Randomize
