I think my penis got bigger when i lost weight
I'm high, and her 2,100 tagged pictures annoy me even MORE. I wish it had a google searchbar so I could type in "cleavage pics" to get to the point.
But like now everytime I pee I just think... wow I had sex with him on this toilet.
Lauren she was gnawing on a dresser. Gnawing. On. A. Dresser.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Oh just living the dream. And by living the dream I mean drinking franzia out of a martini glass and watching family matters. Also, drinking every time Carl Winslow has a mustache and Eddie wears MC Hammer pants
I just figured you know how to drive a boat and I know how to get drunk. What can go wrong
No it was the best sex I've had in months. Nothing turns me on more than getting rid of a boyfriend.
by 11 am we'd already been drunk twice. how much lower can you go?
It felt like Party Santa dropped by and gave us two more 18-packs.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
today i was walking through gramercy with a dress bag from David's Bridal and a bag of McDonald's. No guy would make eye contact with me as I scarfed down my fries. I think I was mankind's walking night terror.
Some male strippers are here, I threw pancakes at them. It's ok
Did I send you a drunk selfie with a pine tree last night?
I think the fact that I stole someone's mail and broke my big toe means that I should consider taking some time away from vodka
Meeting him up for him to pay half of the Plan B was awkward but worth it cause I'm broke as fuck
there's a 50/50 chance the night will end in alcohol-induced rituals of satanic nature
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