I Once took so much Ecstacy that I tried to hug a fire.
no its okay don't call 911, she's alive. just stopped by her house and banged on her door. she said she turned her phone off because she "had to be alone with her shame and embarassment". typical.
someone lit off fireworks while I puked in the street. I was like congratulating me for making it through homecoming.
I also would have accepted most things ending in "job", erotic favors, and food.
Is my lip ring still in your hair?
he's home with a concussion now...but apparently i'm still the highlight of his freshman year
I tried to force my roommate into a sink last night. And I almost won.
And then he said "if you were planning on bird feeding me that's not ok"
Would I chase a raccoon with a flaming stick sober?
so hungover. I'm actually considering eating the snow off the roof so I don't have to leave my bed
I thought he was having it in Athens. Alright. Have fun. Please save my dignity and refrain from talking about my boobs and sexual "abilities". If I have any. I just feel like they are going to ask. Repeat after me. And repeat it 5 more times. This is going to be the phrase you're going to rely on tonight: "I can neither deny or confirm such actions."
apparently my new 420 ritual is to look at the clock at 4:20 and realize i'm already too high
How do I have sand in my vagina if we were an hour away from the beach?
Yeah, it was all very half-hearted. In the middle of sex we both just stopped and looked at each other and said, "can we just sleep instead?"
That is so sad.
Well, I can now cross "dirty drunk homeless hobo" off of my bucket list of people who have been successful wingmen for me. North Carolina is getting weird.
Randomize
