My farts woke her up so I pretended to be keep sleeping.
It's like I'm the Little Bo Peep of sheparding dicks.
Only someone with your twisted mind could come up with that simile. Do you sit around and read 'How to turn Beloved Childrens Stories into Sexual Analogies?' This is the 3rd time you've done this.
I'm at a party watching some dude try to eat a whole package of Oreos in 5 minutes.
HE THREATENED ME WITH A CACTUS. WHERE DID HE EVEN GET A CACTUS.
230 lb girl across the train from me is giving a dude in a kilt a handjob while he sits in her lap
I feel that shower jager is exactly what this man needs after last night.
You're a disgrace to gay men everywhere.
now that I know that you did coke with your mom I can't look at her the same
IF WE WERE REALLY BEST FRIENDS FOREVER YOU GUYS WOULD AGREE TO A WATCHING A PORNO PARTY
At the end of the date, he asked if he could kiss me. I really wanted to say "dude, I didn't shave for nothing"
it is basically gonna be an ugly Christmas sweater rave
His name is Angel. I'm pretty sure he was sent from heaven solely to eat me out.
It can't be easy when an alcoholic Russian is screaming to the entire dorm "he no get hard"
we watched a guy take a shot of tequila while riding a unicycle
I've officially slept with/dated two guys that have gotten tased. What the fuck is wrong with me
i got a dick pic last night and the mother fucker had a Jesus picture in the background.
Randomize
