foreplay: 7 minutes. sex: 3 minutes. cuddling: 10 minutes. getting dressed: 5 minutes. commute: 5 minutes.
I wish my mouth had a period so that could be my excuse on those days I don't feel like giving head
I want to get so wasted that I make middle aged irish men look like mormon girls
Get the fuck buddy a birthday present or not? He def deserves one, but how do I explain the debit card charge to my husband?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Some one left their pants in the elevator.
He spent 6 hours at the ER after crashing a motorcycle and still came to the bar, Ofcourse I went home with him. He's my hero.
But he made me breakfast and understands the fuck sleep fuck sleep necessities
Be proud. You give fat lesbians everywhere shower-nozzle worthy material for weeks on end.
Its not that it wasnt fun. Its just I got a tooth knocked out and that was my second time being arrested this year
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My roommate told me he found me naked in the shower puking and when he asked why I was naked I said "you can't wear clothes in a shower"
the quiet that you are hearing is a silent suggestion that you should go fuck yourself
And besides a nice relationship, I just really want to get laid damnit
I mean, I'm shallow, narcissistic, and selfish, but I'm an amazing friend sometimes
So I was having a really bad night...so I decided to steal a pumpkin.
Who’s got two thumbs and just got laid in the administration building?
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