I threw a jar of pickles out the window at a police car, why was that not a good enough reason to put me to bed?
Dreamed I made out with a stranger after falling out of a car, let's make this happen tonight.
i think they forgot i was still in the room... she grabbed his balls and said "i feel a fire coming on".
Remember when we had a keg, and then another 5 cases... and like 30 people drank it all?
Everything hurts.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Why is it that when I sustain a serious injury people are more concerned with my level of inebriation than my personal safety?
I'm tryin a pb and onion sandwich now
Please smoke with me until I agree that sounds like a good idea
My boob is missing a layer of skin
So while you were living in this woman's apartment, you acquired a room mate, fucked her daughter, and killed her bunny. Worst sitter ever
i would never take his side over yours. you coulda gotten knocked up from another dude and i'd be right there next to you blaming it on him saying some shit like "his sperm were just too sub par for you" or "shoulda had a bigger penis"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm sorry I never said I wasn't coming home last night. To my defense I did type and send a text, only I was too drunk to realize I sent it to the guy I was with instead of you.
Woke up pants less in the vacant apartment across the hall. It was unlocked because they were showing it to someone. When they walked in I woke up and said "this is a great place to live" and walked out
Is this what it's like to be an adult? You plan out play dates for your vagina?
Do you want me to add this to the list of actions I will state at your intervention
The fact our science teacher from high school was buying us drinks and hitting on me doesn't matter.
Wine. Check.\nDino chicken nuggets. Check.\n#IssaParty
Randomize