3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
Memo to self- delete texts about butt sex from you before giving my mom my old phone to use.
found an empty one..2nd door on the right...i'm already naked.
Getting a high five from your dog when you're stoned is one the greatest rewards of being a pet owner.
We stopped her at 12
12 shots? Or 12 midnight?
Which answer would freak you out less
It was a rude awakening when I turned on my phone and the first thing I saw was a picture of David's dick with a face on it, I need to stop drinking in his basement...
Thank you as well. My penis is starting a slow-clap right now.
Jenny was looking for something soft to drink since it's only noon, she chose spiced rum. Think she might die today
Me and your penis are best friends. You don't know it, but I whisper my secrets whenever I give you blowjobs. We even have a secret handshake. We can't be separated from each other. We just can't.
making a list of all the places we've peed. separate list of places we peed when we were stoned
I dont know about you but I'm not getting out of bed this summer for anything but food or sex
I just watched a guy smoke weed through a French Horn. He is my hero
I don't think tequila will soothe the spots where my tonsils used to be.
I walked in on him jerking it to videos of UFC fighters. The most awkward part: he didn't stop when I walked in.
He's driving 2 hours to visit me and he's bringing weed. I love him so much.
Randomize