Car fucking is for special occasions like birthdays and bank holidays. Don't want to lose the magic by making it an everyday thing.
have u ever looked at the reflection of the water n watched the poop come out of u?
why can't you just be normal
Apparently the guard had to repeat "you're too drunk to get in" three times before I understood. I guess he was right.
i'm pretty sure i lost all sex appeal when he caught me peeing in his bushes
I'm in the liquor aisle and a 10 yr old boy yells, "My favorite beer is Corona! Daddy remember when you gave me some on our camping trip?"
She said we should all be mermaids since didn't breathe for 9 months inside our mothers. I want her logic.
This is your monthly public service announcement that sexual services will temporarily cease from Wednesday night to Monday. Please plan accordingly and have a nice day =D
He's cute when he's drunk, too. Also he tried to fight my door...
Eating nacho cheese off the carpet. How is your morning?
OH BABY IM HERE AND IN A BLANKET FORT
COME TO THE BLANKET FORT
And I just want to be like your tongue is not a FUCKING sword
Just so you know.. If you ever cheat on me, i will cut your dick and fingers off and post them as my cover photo on Facebook. Love you.
I need to be her Aladdin, and show her the world. The sex world.
I SWEAR TO ALL THAT IS HOLY I HAVE NEVER WIPED MY GENITALIA ON ANY TYPE OF EMERGENCY RESPONSE VEHICLE!!
so... i have a picture of you and three other girls making kissy faces at this giant stuffed banana you're holding. however, you seem to be violently screaming at it.
Those bitches did NOT have my back.
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