At what point did I decide it would be a good idea to fill my contact case with vodka
Yeah. My legs are trembling...hard to walk. Feels like a neon arrow is pointing at me saying "just had sex (with not his wife)"
Why is there blood and lettuce everywhere?
Only you would get a date out of getting hit by a car
Ice cream: Good. Fraternity: Good. Eating ice cream off a Skid Row bum's ass crack in order to get into a Fraternity: Homoerotic at best. I quit.
Cops just came and got two guys out of my class. I can't do college. Seriously cannot rage at this school anymore.
Well on a lighter note, I had sex in a food truck.
I've never had goosebumps on my dick before. It was definitely not a bad feeling.
I had a sex dream. With two guys. And my subconscious decided to put your dick on BOTH OF THEM. If there is a society where that does not mean "I cherish you" I do not want to live there.
I found you walking along the street hammered. You walked up said hi and handed me a beer.
She just started crying. With my dick still inside her. Something about her grandpa.
I was so drunk at your wedding that Uber is now showing up in my Spotify recent searches.
How are you and your magical vagina doing today?
i havent showered for 4 days and i just made my dog smell my arm pit. also, im stoned.
I'm eating cold pizza from work and drinking beer from a wine glass trying to decide if I want to shower or just rub one out and go to sleep. How have I ever gotten laid?
Because you're really hot before taking the time to actually get to know you.
Randomize
