He looked like the mexican version of Steve Carrell with a unibrow.
It's a sad day when you realize you are no longer above fucking in movie theater bathrooms.
There are some college kids out at 4 in the morning dragging each other on a sled behind a bike. its too entertaining to call the cops
You're the only person I know who would say "we'll play it by ear" referring to a threesome
He ate me out. IN THE MORNING. I love less attractive men.
New level of stoned. My Terry's Chocolate Orange didn't 'whack-and-unwrap' so I ate it like an apple.
Remember how he wouldn't sleep with me "out of respect"? Well, Mr. Respect just fingered me in a parking garage.
I am at a new level of appreciation for drunk-you, who threw up into her own sweatshirt pocket last night in the car. Brava.
I was out of weed and my vibrator broke, so I'm now at Red Lobster.
I just want an early 40-something dude who is vaguely unencumbered, professionally driven and wants to put me in a ball gag.
Of course I fucked him. He was wearing a rainbow cock sock and cowboy boots.
You chose shitty college football over this pussy and my cute little mouth. That's your fault.
I woke up upside down with my head in your ottoman and like a foot of space between the ottoman and chair.. My legs were straight up in the air... Yes. Your mother found me.
Moms passed out wet and naked in a rocking chair again....
I'm totes in the mood to go home and like blindly inhale dangerous amounts of porn
Randomize
