i just watched a video of two girls fucking with a banana and i thought of you.
i hate you
even in my darkest moments, having another person eat my jizz would make me smile
We made a drinking game out of poaching eggs. When did our life turn into a really awesome version of Top Chef?
Your one and only job is to make sure I am on that bus tomorrow morning with no cat makeup on my face
at the hospital. he locked himself in the kitchen, said he was making beer batter shrimp. don't know if it's the mercury poisoning, alcohol poisoning or second degree burns they're holding him for, but i've got a pretty guess.
And if it was a miscarriage you should figure out whose it was. He must be an alphamale for his offspring to sustain life this long in the amusement park that is your body
We're having a serious conversation and I just responded to something he said with an emoticon. I am so baked.
Oh. My. God. Dad smoked a bowl. He's been playing cards...I just told a story and when I was done, he got really close to my face and very seriously asked me if he had cheese in his beard. I'm about to die.
I just can't even fathom the crazy and I work at a mental hospital.
I'm so stoned I just sat here for like at least 45 min thinking about how I would get some jack in the box tacos if only I knew where my wallet was and then I kind of blinked and finally noticed I had literally been staring at my wallet the ENTIRE fucking time
I'm pretty sure my munchies are the only reason Good and Plenty is still around
I have no idea what to do with myself since we graduated.
I've just been napping and sexting all day.
So anyways, we returned the toilet paper and decided to use the money for taco bell and slurpees instead...
Just got back to the apartment. Why os there now 14 identical toothbrushes in the bathroom and only the two of us live here?
why yes, bad decisions will be made starting at 3PM Thurs through 8PM on Sun. You have been warned. Plan accordingly.
Randomize
