Let's roleplay tonight. I'll be drunken diva and you be sexy sober.
IF that's your way of making me dd then count me out.
When i asked him what happened all he said was, the toucan... the toucan... over and over again.
Someone said we're out of ice. You collapsed on the spot and started sobbing, saying 'but where will all the polar bears live". That drunk.
It was really weird walking into a CVS and not going straight to the pharmacy for plan B.
I give him a gold star every time I orgasm. His room looks like he's freaking King Midas.
Drinking games this Saturday as usual although the ice cube tray game is banned due to last weeks incident
You were fucked up like a footballbat trying to eat gum off your shoe. And that wasn't even the nights lowest point.
The highlight of the night was when he yelled "WAS THIS CONDOM MADE FOR TODDLERS??"
At one point I yelled "THIS IS MY PENANCE FOR EVERYTHING I'VE DONE WRONG" and started saying Hail Marys
Is there such thing as a tasteful dick pic? I think I just got one if they exist.
She puked off the side of the cruise ship onto a newlyweds balcony table and they watched it all happen then they made her clean it up
I just found your shirt hanging in a tree 4 blocks from the party...in the opposite direction of your house. where are you going?
well it was naive of you to actually think you're the only bday sex he had lined up for him today. I'm just suprised he actually had a line forming outside of his room
Plus you need some new dick in your life, the environment is fucked enough you don’t have to recycle anymore 😂💀
when i woke up w mysterious sticky crap in my hair, i assumed i had another blackout hookup. nope. turns out i made PBJ and proceeded to pass out in it. i ate the evidence when i woke up.
Randomize
