i watch way too much csi for them to even pretend to be my friend.
weed, chlorine, and victory. my bed smells like i had sex with michael phelps.
Dude, no matter how drunk you are, it's not okay to hug every other guy at a strip club. Mainly because boners are far too common.
Men with bald spots should not have mohawks. Just in case you didn't know.
I just got while a charlie horse while orgasming...most confusing feeling ever...
Only you would think wine and coffee was an acceptable finals study time mix
I was crying hysterically and you wouldn't stop petting my ear and shushing me every time I tried to say something.
okay just a general question, but if i got arrested, who here would bail me out. this is important.
KETAMINE SUNDAYS ARE SERIOUSLY FUCKING ME UP!
Can you bring home an IV stand and an empty bag so I can direct inject coffee for work tomorrow morning?
Oh, and one of the worst parts... his name was Mario. I fucked a Nintendo character.
Firstly: alligator costume is happening anyway. But I'll see what I can do about the balls.
i can't hookup with him because someone else bit my vagina
Talked a police officer into driving us the 1/2 mile home from the bars because we didn't want to walk. I never knew the back of cop Cars had plastic seats.
I just found a ladybug shell in my underwear. What was I doing last night?
Randomize
