she left her pants. im pretty sure she grabbed mine on accident. im like 9 man sizes bigger than her. wtf
I think i just got paid for sex with a hot pocket... and i accepted
before you smothered your pizza in mayo you blotted it with a napkin saying you were trying to watch your fat intake
gonna sleep on the stairs... to drunk to keep going up, way to drunk to go down, gonna find a comfy spot right here... its safer that way
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hashbrowns don't come out your nose as easily as you would think
I'm pretty sure you called me last night and screamed that she was force-feeding you a bagel.
He cut part of his finger off. It was a consolation blow job.
I smell like gasoline and adventure.
So instead of asking me for my number, he asked for my dad's because he wanted to "thank the man that helped create those tits."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i went to the 24h massage place last night and brought down the price for a hand job from $50 to $12.75 and half the big mac left in my bag.
All I've done this weekend is cum and drink. I think it's safe to say I'm dehydrated.
He's so urbane and sleek; so aesthetically chiseled, having endless features to offer me whenever I desire.
Are you fucking a guy or a condo building?
Look, he's a hot korean guy with a motorcycle and a great ass. I'm gonna do head-titingly kinky shit with him.
I peed in my closet, which at the time looked like a sparkly bathroom...
Saddle up bitches, we're going to an orgy.
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