Apparently at one point I was wearing my sweatshirt backwards like it was normal and then I threw up into the hood. Never drinking again.
Im bringing wine tonight. Its from a merlot from nashville. i bet it'll taste like infidelity and teenage pregnancy.
I want to give my boyfriend great head for his birthday...can i practice on you?
Just snuck alcohol into the hospital for my mom.
you were crying while pretty ricky was playing, what did you want me to do
He insists on falling asleep with his penis between my buttcheeks. He says its his "home".
You stole my crutches last night at the bar, the DJ had to ask for them to be returned
you can only text me tonight if its in drake lyrics. thats the rule
Imagine Arby's curly fries spiraled around a dick
You're like a human soul vacuum cleaner.
All she said to me before going to get another shot was "Damn, I'd eat her out."
I'm officially removing you from my nudes recipient list on snapchat.
It's best not to have your booty call on social media. So if they post stupid shit, you still want to fuck them.
Who brings a stripper home to ninja turtle bed sheets
Me and I got head
"keg stand!" on a roof abruptly turned into "call the medics"
Randomize
