the dude from the bar called to tell his mom about me immediately after we finished PLEASE COME GET ME
Thinking about bringing a vibrator to the tanning bed...kill two birds with one stone right?
And why did 3 people fail to stop me from literally getting a piggy back ride from the bar to his apartment?!
My chemistry professor just asked me if I ever found a ride home from the bar last Saturday
Considering the fact that you wouldn't give me my cat last night because he was "destined for broadway", yeah, I'm accusing you of stealing him
he walkred up to the manager at dennys and said 'look, my friends passed out in your bathroom, can i go get her?'
Last I remember we played rock paper scissors for who would fuck the guy with cowboy boots on and I won..
Every grown women needs to pee herself once in her life. It builds character.
Also his beard was very delicious looking. I wanted to touch it so bad, but I held back.
You peed up the stairs in front of everyone then blamed it on the dog
My dad is so drunk he attempted to ride my two year old cousin's tricycle. For a solid five minutes.
For a pair of gay men you destroy a lot of vagina.
This is my life. Enjoy the view
so an orgy is about to happen in the next room if you wondered where i am currently at in life
The closest thing I've had to an orgasm lately is sneezing nonstop from fucking allergies.
Randomize
