We succumbed to passion, and then he had to go meet his girlfriend. End of story.
I look like a sausage in jean shorts, you should have woken up earlier and approved my outfit.
Have you not heard of Jennifer's supreme lust for William Shatner? She wants to eat Taco Bell off of his love handles
Don't worry. I just took 2 benadryls and beat off. I'm practically sleep texting
then they caught me trying to hide the turtle in the fridge
Food poisoning on first date... Still rode the mechanical bull like a champ
I'm shoveling snow with a camel-pack full of beer in a blizzard. I love snow days as an adult!!!
Im having a st. Get way fucked till i speak Irish pre game party. Bring a compass cause we are about to get lost
Didn't want to waste the cheese dust from the white cheddar popcorn, so I gave him a handjob, followed by the most delicious blowjob ever. Win-win.
I just realized that with the new snapchat update / emoji sticker thing I can now use easily use emojis to cover my boobs in nudes.
Would love to dress up in respectable attire and take you out somewhere nice and then do disgusting crude things in public
If sending nudes to tinder boy is considered functional then yes.
Whoever jacked off in MY pong room on the bean bag with your fucking googles pick up your fucking cum towel you gross disgusting fucks. I said NO MORE jacking off in that room. I swear I will empty it out if this is going to continue.
Dear Ex-Sister-in-Law, I never thought I would say this, but I just found your panties in my back seat. Please remind me to give them back.
I don't know who he was but he was covered up with a shower curtain and ate a whole bottle of tums
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