that girl looks like she smells like hot dog water...
once she started licking the door on the stall, i got out of there and told her bf "this is your problem now" and walked away
Next time, showing us his dick should be his entry fee into your house.
I wish we couldve been like jesus and the desiples tongith
Today is definitely a "stand over the toilet and pee through the opening at the bottom of my boxers" kind of day.
I guess the silver lining is that having a big dick really comes in handy when you're hungover.
It's a mixed blessing.
I was busy. But now I'm about to consume alcohol and chicken. We shall see where this takes us. Maybe to the moon, maybe to the floor. I have no idea.
DR UNK TOWN USA
TEAM USA GO AMERICA
I tried to roll down the stairs in a ball. I have bruises, the pain is too much.
What the fuck, why would you ever do that?
Haven't you ever just wanted to be a ball?
I just found out that order of 30 Beefy 5-Layers last weekend has achieved legendary status among the Taco Bell employees. Is there a Stoner Achievement for that?
the dude in the apartments across the street got a video of me railing blake on your front steps last night
shit like this is why i dont let you drink vodka anymore ..
There's always a silver lining when massive voluptuous tits are involved
So what's your itinerary for Amsterdam?
Show up, get drunk, get laid, try not to miss my flight home.
She made me pour olive oil on her.
Bad news man, we're gonna have to reschedule Golden Coral: The Musical
I don't know who the fuck this is, but right on man
i gotta say this to some one...... my penis feels sooooooooo sooooooft, its amazing
like for real, sooooooooooooooo smoooooooooooooth its amazing
I can't wait for you to read this text tomorrow
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