Sharpest. Poop. Ever.
I'm gonna get drunk and through up on the first happy couple I see.
I remember sitting there at the toilet, bleeding everywhere and thinking, "I walked from my bedroom to here. What happened?"
I imagine her to be like a 19th century explorer/adventurer with different boys' hearts on her wall like animal heads
Like Teddy Roosevelt
At some point last night Lemondrops turned into me doing shots of vodka and eating sugar packets at the bar.
I just realized that I have dated 5 unemployed guys...and 3 that drove pt cruisers...Turns out I do have a type.
Unintentional and slightly frustrating adventures are basically all I'm good for. Expect heart palpitations, cheap food, and homeless men serenading us.
I came home wearing somebody's thong. If you're missing one message me privately.
I don't think he cares about your inhospitable uterus.
I broke her handcuffs. I feel like an animal.
Was Mr. ROBOT good? I missed it. I just fucked dental hygienist on the trampoline in my backyard
Also I'd apologize for texting you flipping my shit about the science of hair growth while I was shrooming last night but we know each other better than that
Pillow talk?
can't do it. no eye contact either.
Where have you been all my life
Alcohol and I aren't friends right now.
He ate me out on the front lawn of the post office. The people in the office across the road definitely got a show!
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