Hahahhahaha! Oooh get it! Ugh I am so dead but if I go to the lib whuich I will hopefully b havung sex instead, ill hit u up
he asked me out through an event invitation on facebook, the title read Romantic Dinner For 2
I saw Winona at my church today. She has boobs, now.
Miracles do happen.
I'm not being over dramatic, but I think my heart is going to stop beating.
his blanket is still in the back seat of my car, its like a constant reminder of his small penis
Yeah I'm a responsible adult man but I legally unbind myself from anything that occurred that evening and am in no way responsible for those actions.
Speaking of testosterone. I saw a girl with a moustache thicker than one I can grow last night...
He told me I look like a librarian today. I hope that means he has a librarian fetish or something
Disregard. He says he said I look "agrarian" today and just proceeded to compare me to Mumford and Sons. Fuck it, I'm going home and drinking
I decided to start over my porn collection by deleting the old stuff. That was a sad piece of a pie chart...
This guy dressed as a piece of paper for Halloween, I felt it was only necessary to sign his penis
It bothers me when I see my old fuck buddies starting families on Facebook.
Will you rub my calves while I masturbate?
Booty called 3 guys from my hospital bed
At one point, the bartender wrote out the words "please kill me" on some receipt paper and slid it across the bar to me.
woke up to find a case of beer in the oven and a random puppy in the house...guess i had a party last night?
Randomize
