Your fb status are always so intriguing.. Often make me picture you naked
They were so loud I wrote them a sex critique and taped it to his door.
I learned his name tonight. This now makes him a real person. Obviously, I no longer want to sleep with him.
i woke up this morning next to my toilet covered in an attempt to make blanket of toilet paper
I was sitting on the floor of CVS chugging white grape juice until someone asked me to leave.
i just remembered that i did the "single ladies" dance ON THE BAR...fuck you slippery nipples i curse the day i discovered you
think he just told me if I need to shit I should go outside.
I'm a wonderful, drunk angel of hydration and sometimes absinthe.
My mom just asked me if I can obtain a fake ID by thursday
My breasts were aching with rage.
She definitely peed in a bucket in their closet last night. We should warn them about that, right?
To show us how offended you were you took off the right foot of your pterodactyl suit and proceeded to attack us with it.
I no longer need a flask. I need a canteen.
I don't even know if he's actually hot or just hot because he plays hockey..
You did not just say that.
You smell like a steam boat captain.
Whatever your on right now, I want.
Randomize
