I am looking at the epitome of fake boobs right now
sometimes i really wish you were a nugget.
we have a love-hate relationship...we love having sex but hate waking up next to eachother
beeferoni + vodka = puke stuck in braces.
Although last time you were unsure about someone they flipped a golf cart on me.
On the way home she put on a necklace with her name on it and wrote my name in sharpie across my chest so that in the morning we could avoid the awkward Idk who the fuck you are conversation. Best. Girl. Ever.
Did you get an erection too during Paul Ryan's speech?
I may have played more drinking games with my family this last week than all of freshman year...
Also, it was so cold in that bathroom that I saw my crap steaming, a first in my life
Why put me through the conflicting battle of being happy for your vagina but sad for my vagina for no reason ahole
Today, I lack passion for anything but Taco Tuesday.
*tries to be fun and flirty* *literally gets peed on*
HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT
So I just ran in to the Couger you saw me take home last month who i haven't talked to since then at Wawa and she was PISSED.. APPARENTLY i fucked her niece last week
It's not even 8pm on a Friday and I've already got a guy to tell me how big his penis is. Watched anything good on Netflix lately?
The streets are paved with hand jobs
Randomize
