but it happened after you broke up with me and before we made up.
the beds are so narrow its like a jenga threesome
I'll have you know...trying to masturbate while a song about jesus is stuck in your head is next to impossible
it was almost as awkward as hearing my parents on friday nights in 2 in the morning starting, and than hearing at 2:01 my dad getting up and my mom going "i should have married a man"
I hate myself for saying your mom and I have the same friday nights.
don't worry... so do I
And then he asked me why the subtitles were in Arabic. The television was off.
you know you made some mistakes when your last two boyfriends are both obsessed with women's curling...
about to get into a hot tub with three cops. this cant go well
For future reference, the words 'big' and 'problem' should be used sparingly with a person whom you have recently had copious amounts of unprotected sex
Sorry really high. We have no lighter so we're lighting the bowl with rolled up paper towels lit by candle which also lit with a rolled up paper towel that we lit with the stove eye
He's a prodigy! It would be a service to the scientific community.
15 is 15
Doing 9 month old dishes in my bath tub. These dishes literally had enough time to gestate a human child
I remember you fighting a small man for the last of the pizza. Was there a midget in my house last night?
So we hooked up and then instead of texting me, he endorsed me on LinkedIn for Microsoft Word a few days later
I had a sex with someone last night and I was so drunk. i told him to tell me his whole name so I can say it back to him in a "sexy" way.... Because I forgot it
It finally happened. Some guy just tried to catfish me with my own dick pic. Of course I told him that it was the hottest dick I'd ever seen and that I would do anything for that particular dick.
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