She punched me in the face after i pulled it out and grabbed my cell phone. Ill be the one hiding in the bushes with one shoe.
we were holding hands throwing up into the same garbage can; if thats not true love i dont know what is .
there were more penises there than on chat roulette
My tally is now official: I have been drunk every weekend since 2008. Cheers.
Just made nachos out of string cheese and sunchips and laying in my bed watching babay einstion..get on my level
I'm sorry I kept calling last night when you wouldn't pick up. I'm REALLY sorry I sang "You Oughta Know" on more than 4 voice mails.
just found gum connecting my sunglasses to my floor board. you don't want to know where else it was.
I came so hard just now that I think I may have regenerated.
So update from last night: I made friends with a coke dealer, I tore the card scanner off the wall of my dorm, and I passed out on our bathroom counter with my head in the sink.
can i text him and be like "oh yeah, forgot i kinda made out with a girl this weekend. For future reference, does this count as cheating?" ?
I left my bra and a book at his place. He's a hot Scandinavian who is into physics and computers - had to step up my game.
I fell into his fridge. I want to leave.
he's had a change of heart. and besides, we could use a laugh.
oh, well, if you all need a good laugh, by all means endanger my life.
Dude, fate has brought her to your penis.
I fucked a marine... I told him it was like personal revenge and he said he could live with that and that he didn't mind being used.
Randomize
