I wanna bring you to show and tell
i just put all of my beerlympics medals into my academic awards box. i would say they are my greatest achievement since college.
He offered me a 30 pack if I don't bring her to the party. Am I a bad friend If I take his offer?
No. He just yelled "youre having one more orgasm!" So he made that happen and then he rolled over and went to sleep.
Do you remember unrolling paper towels as a blanket?
He went around feeding all the high kids pretzels. He's like their god now
I could hear them screwing through my bedroom wall again this morning, so I started beat boxing to the tempo.
Well, I wanted to be you for Halloween but I couldn't fit seven dicks in my mouth.
I wish they made people sized litter boxes.
library dates and plan B? He is looking like a great catch.
We're not on Beacon Street anymore so now your argument about not peeing on the sidewalk holds no water. Whereas my bladder has holded every water.
She's riding a bike down the street and drinking brown liquor. A pt cruiser is honking at her and she's like I HEAR YOU!!
CUM CAME OUT OF MY NOSE. MY SINUSES ARE ENTIRELY FUCKED UP NOW BC OF THE CUM TRAVELING IN PLACES IT SHOULD NOT HAVE.
Why do all the Father's Day cards talk about what a great dad they are? Why can't there be one that says something like "Thanks for sticking it to mom and making me possible, your sperm was appreciated."
i literally have the attention span of a weasel on steroids, but yeah, i know who you’re talking about.
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