Got home from the bar at 4am. 100% sober, unlaid. Epic fail or responsible behavior?
Responsible fail?
when a girl says 'did you just try to kiss me' you should leave the bar. trust me.
Sometimes I wonder how you ever made friends then I remember it's because you blew your way to semi-relevance
Way to ruin everything
I am drinking jager with a cat, your argument is invalid
No...this little piggys going to the bar
his face was nice enough, but his choice of footwear screamed columbian drug lord
I woke up this morning and the search history on my phone says: "What is this castle in front of my house?"
IF WE WERE REALLY BEST FRIENDS FOREVER YOU GUYS WOULD AGREE TO A WATCHING A PORNO PARTY
Yeah I went home with her... She had me take off everything but my shirt and from across the room goes, "Now dance. Just dance that dick over here"
I mean I kinda plunged vagina first into my last relationship
It was like a Thanksgiving meal, which you spend 8 hours cooking, and the family wolfs down in 20 minutes. All that flirting and build-up for like 90 seconds of pumping and he was gone in a flash, never to be heard from again.
it was good, but also weird. like, i came four times and then cried weird.
I'm bathroom at buffalo wild wings
I think incapable of making pants work send help
I got sriracha sauce on my mask while I was eating fast food, now wearing it makes me hungry
Mimosas make me so tired. I just ordered a huge thing of pasta and gonna eat it in my underwear like a bad bitch
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