you also choked him out with your legs on the kitchen floor..
Oh my gosh they are following me around the bar
Blow your rape whistle
You are NEVER going to guess whose penis was JUST in my mouth!!!
I'll give you a hint, we ate paste with him in kindergarten.
ATTN: We are officially 15 weeks from our annual "Get-Mega-Stoned-and-BBQ" event. Start saving up the proper supplies. That is all.
Listening to Whitney Houston sing the National Anthem while I shit before going out tonight. America.
Yeah, but she is forever sending my vagina on some sort of mission.
So I found out me and this guy I was drinking beer with tonight both got lactated on by the same stripper. We're milk brothers.
I feel like I should remember what we did after leaving the party because apparently a llama was involved, but all I can manage is the part where I asked you to cuff my ankle to the bed so I wouldn't backflip away.
I've decided to give up hard drugs for the rest of the year.
I think he's like Cher he's going to live forever but not as scary looking
We just had sex on an abandoned logging road while wearing snow shoes. God bless Montana boys.
I may have interrupted sex but im bringing them both to McDonalds. Am I not the greatest older sister ever?
just had a woman ask me to donate my eggs so that her baby could look like me. don't know whether to get a restraining order or be flattered. thoughts?
I think you'll appreciate my way of waking up today: Under my cubicle, boxed in by boxes of printer paper, and hung over. I don't even know how the fuck I got in here in the middle of the night. I went to my car and fell back asleep. I'm now 2 1/2 hours late.
I wouldn't have found her if it wasn't for the vomit trail leading into my brother's room.
Randomize
