She just wrapped her tongue around my thumb.....lizard girl may be my next wife.
So... I'm really sorry I tried to sell you to random people in cars last night
I'm not sure if doing him was such a good idea. Yes the sex was good, but I'm scared I set myself up for failure in 2011 because he's the hottest guy. Ever.
You know what my problem is? I'm like a machine designed for the sole intention of removing the pants from damaged girls.
Tequila me may have very bluntly told him that I wanted to touch his abs.
My biggest accomplishment thus far this summer is having sex 5 weeks after hip surgery.
Please don't smoke the bong in the bathroom while you shit. It is not a shitting bong.
Everyone is speaking Spanish and this 300 hundred pound chick is talking about the time she got out of prison... Fuck this place
Drunk me made out with someone's girlfriend last night, was invited to their place for a semi-threesome, and then walked home at three am. Can't decide if this is better or worse than drunkenly challenging everyone to taekwondo sparring matches...
I'm too drunk to explain this to you. It's too hard.
I have found random beers stashed in my purse and microwave... Apparently I thought 2015 was gonna have a beer shortage
I mean my dick does have feeling again, which is a step in the right direction
It's barely past noon, how am I already talking about double penetration
What did we do lastnight that resulted in a $1,896 charge on my credit card with a $2,000 limit
She told us she had powers and that eating tree bark cures the shits.
Randomize
