Why dose there have to be another girl there for you to do this?
its hotter. Way hotter.
did the hipsters beat you up because you are more ironic than they are?
You dont ever try to use your dick as a power washer to get bits of poop of the toilet bowl?
he sounded really stupid. it was like his puke had a stutter, too.
Jessi just used the excuse "it's not you it's me" to get out of getting a lap dance.
i left the icescrapper in his bathroom. i dont remember taking it there, but i remember brushing his hair with it.
My life has only gotten better since they built a playground behind the bar
Now that I'm single, I like to think of myself as in a relationship with Taco Bell.
He ripped off my pantyhose and all I could think was, "oh no those were clinic-appropriate!" That's what I get for ditching a continuing education meeting to go hook up with my scuba instructor.
Maybe it's because I walked straight up to that shelf of vodka with a look of determination that said "I mean business".
I usually have to have a cart! If that doesn't say "I mean business" then I don't know what does
I just haymakered a dude with my face, can we talk about ME for a second and not the guy I fought?
If you ever feel goofy just think of the fact that I just shaved the batman symbol into my pubes
There is a midget in cheetah face paint on a leash here
I'm just wondering how Jon managed to get vomit ON THE CEILING?
i woke up on someones kitchen floor, and i used the gps in my phone to find my way home. im really glad you forgot about me.
Randomize
