my mom just told me how she used to love having sex while stoned. wtf.
at home by myself drinkin the left over champagne from my party... who says my birthday has to end?
She's dressed as Musafa. How could this not be a good idea?
life is sad when you just turned 21 and youre doing late night rogaine runs...
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I wish I could put booze in boobs and store it for later. I wouldn't need a flask. For $7000, they should do amazing things like that.
I wonder if she thought to herself "I'm gonna sleep with that guy tonight" when she watched me puke on the bar at 3 in the afternoon?
I woke up locked in the bar...this has redefined partying.
definitely fulfilled the lesbian status quo and fucked her in the back seat of my prius
Codeine + Boredom = Sprinting between my front and back door.
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Because at some point last night we decided that shotgunning beers from a paint stick was a good idea
Its not that hard, just find a girl reading 50 shades of grey and point her my way
I have a diplomatic trade for you. My pants for your rum. Tomorrow?
Was your wine and cheese snap taken from the toilet?
I just had a spiritual connection with my sweater and did ballet in the hallway. Alone. I'd say we're gonna chalk that up as a win for marijuana and call it a night
we're at the bar celebrating my ex bootycall getting his new gf pregnant... and me narrowly escaping a future as kitty foreman
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