What are we going to do tonight?
What we try to do every night. Take over the world
He bought me ice cream and then I gave him a bj
I think that's fair trade off
TLC. RIGHT NOW. PRIMORDIAL TODDLERS.
just woke up to two already rolled blunts and a full explanation of what happened last night. I love my gf
I stole an ensure out of their fridge and started chugging it. That was when Maria made me leave.
pretty sure I just came the closest to throwing up in my pants that I'm ever gonna get. I'd like to thank the academy and the hangover thatt I hope actually kills me in the morning.
Put down the bong. Turn off Hey Arnold. Stop calling me football head.
I love you football head
They just built a gym in the same parking lot as my favorite bar. Drunk me is gonna be so excited.
I never notice how majestic and beautiful my cat is unless I'm blazed
Yes. I will keep putting the beer into my stomach and eventually the bartender will make a mistake
Getting drunk in an Applebee's pray for me
Lord god protect this child
he pulled my tampon string out with his teeth like a grenade pin yelling frag out! That's why I fuck guys back from deployment. They'll go the distance
Slap a cop in the butt for a felony charge. Check.
You just had sex during the movie Radio. This is an all time low
I can't be sure but I think I slept with a clown last night...
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