What are these yellow papers in the kitchen?
These are the tickets we got last night.
Did i sign this one as Grizzly Bear?
Yes...yes you did.
It's gotten to the point where even copying off yahoo answers is still way too much work.
did i really just refer to you as "the mid season replacement"
That's like lying to my vagina. I can't betray it like that.
i said she could sleep in my bed and she goes "iiiiiiii warned you. iiiiim a cuddlerrrrrr!" slightly regretting this..
Somehow me showing up to/breaking into her house only to find I was a week early for the party became a night of weed cookies and sex.
Yeah he's definitely gonna feel that one when he wakes up. I beat the shit out of him with that broom handle.
I just puked so hard I pissed myself. Outta my ass. I just won hangover of the century.
You had your dick do your apologizing for you last night. Apology accepted.
He told me he doesn't want to fuck anymore because he needs to focus on school. Either he grew a vagina or he's secretly gay, it has to be one of the two.
Carson kissed me on my cold sore before I could stop him so I think I gave my kid herpes. Mom of the year. Just call me MOTY.
let me just inform you that suppository-ing xanax is glorious
I had a dream last night that I used a condom when I had sex. That's how I knew it was a dream
I think you might be the first man ever to describe getting a blowjob as "neat"
My hands smell like penis... I can't even remember the last time i touched a penis, but my hands say i did. Oh the mystery.
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