she keeps The Day After Pill in her bra... there is a God.
She uses empty wine bottles as book ends. 2 on each side. At least 8 shelves.
No flights in Europe due to the volcano erupting. God himself is telling me to spend 4.20 in Amsterdam.
She vajazzled her vag. It was as useless as putting earrings on chewbacca
I have realized now that neither the top nor bottom of a bunk bed is safe for sex....
FYI If I die in my sleep it is because I drank a bottle of coke from 1986. I needed a mixer
Just got complimented on my chugging... Car bombs show how good I am at swallowing, they should be my new pickup line.
I'm pretty sure my lung is caught on my rib. And I can't feel the left side of my face. Best. Sex. Ever.
its 2pm. u awake yet?
ill text u back later. still peeling fingernail polish off my face.
She's started this new thing where whenever she drives by random couples talking alone outside she yells "break up! this is your sign!"
Is it okay to send him a "thanks for the sexual awakening" note?
He used one of his curtains as a leash and hand restraints. He wins the creative sex challenge hands down.
I'm not saying I'm planning to hook up tomorrow but I'm also not saying I'm unprepared for it
I can't wait to see you & have espresso-fueled sex
Ever try to swallow something and have it go up into your nose instead? Yeah, I just sneezed bacon.
Randomize
