Apparently I called 911 everytime Sean Kingston told me to
How do I say "sorry I gave you and your sister herpes" in German?
we were frolicking through a fountain of pizza rolls. it was like the best dream i ever had
Fuck positive energy. I choose drinking instead,
Well, I looked over and you and him were each making out with a fireman. And then you switched. And you probably spent an hour like that.
No The bastards made me buy a new one, They don't cover water damage an apparently they consider salsa water damage
You shouldn't do laundry high cus pink.
Obviously. I'm here to let you eat things off my boobs and help you get laid.
Sex with him is like pizza, it can be shitty but its stillll pizza.....
to drive Frat boys away, one just needs to cat-call at them. It makes their masculinity weaker, and yours stronger.
I'll only sleep there if we can bone on your balcony.
Yeeah, I think a threesome is one of those wedding presents you can't register for at Bed Bath And Beyond..
Welcome to your 30’s, where every one night stand is most likely with someone’s father
Can't be considered a walk of shame if you pick up donuts on the way home
You were filing your nipples with a nail file to "make them sharper"
Randomize
