how do you have sooo much energy?
billy mays threw in a lil somethin extra when i ordered some oxiclean last week
I just busted my ass on the ice in front of my entire AA meeting. As if being there wasn't embarrassing enough.
when the police officer said he was gonna take a picture of the car accident, you asked if you should pose on the hood
If she's telling you consent laws theres probably a reason
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
there may or may not be knives in your bed. I would check
Does anyone know who that girl who fell backwards and broke the shoe rack with her head was?
Being the only sober one.. I had to feed you guys doritos. You kept licking my fingers.
They are chanting tits for freedom and I'm highly considering
This doesn't mean I'm going to attempt to find happiness with smooshy dick
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We will go to karaoke
Okay, well, i'm covered in paint, haven't showered & have already been drinking, so if I fall on the floor in a blaze of depeche mode & beer tears, you can't pretend you don't know me
If I just skip sleeping, does hangover still happen? Gonna try it. Will report back. StTAND BY
Drunk assassins creed leads to explaining to my father that "it was only a steak knife in the arm"
Riddle me this: How does one check in at the Marriott, but wake up at the W?
Oh. My. God. I. Am. Going. To. Punch. Someone. In. The. Face. Immediately.
I just passed a lady driving with a cat in a sweater sitting on her lap with its paws on the steering wheel
Only you....
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