I just saw a stripper wear a tube top around her floppy gut. God bless Michigan.
He managed to completely creep out every girl I was with last night. It was almost inspiring how efficient it was.
Woke up to the first three complete chapters of my new novel titled "If My Dick Could Talk" waiting for me on my laptop
When I finally got there you were bleeding all over and you just kept saying over and over that the dog was your only friend at the party.
And then I passed out in my towel and was woken up by my roommate introducing me to her trick for the night.
You may see me wearing your shirt to class. It's because I still have the spins and I'm anticipating throwing up on it. Asshole.
We shot off some fireworks at 12 and then I orchestrated the group singing of god bless the USA all while wearing a don't tread on me flag as a cape. I repped hard.
My mom is lecturing me about 'invaluable housekeeping skills' while I google 'cocktails involving gin' on my phone. I can feel the generational gap looming in her silent judgment of my choices.
My life has become one weird ass game. No one wins. No one loses. We all just kind of hang in limbo and hope we don't die. Eskimo sisters for life. Please have sex with one of them.
My head is pounding and I need an ice pack for my vag. Successful friendsgiving!
Still at home. Videotaping hamsters.
Had to immediately delete the Bevmo email because I can't even look at an email about alcohol right now.
Is it bad that I want a job purely so I can buy drugs with without feeling like I am sacrificing my future?
Why do you think I have a job?
We were taking body shots by lunch. I love college.
u woke up and asked who took ur pants off then realized u did n almost cried over not gettin layed
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