Sometimes I think its so cool that a dick that has been inside kate moss has also been inside me. So exciting.
After I told my husband the docter shot me in the ass, he said - oh they can but I can't?!
he keeps his weed in a birkenstock shoe box. its like, we get it, youre from oregon.
my dad is drunk dialing our relatives who are stuck in a blizzard asking them to pick up sun tan lotion for him cause hes too drunk to drive to the store.
Made a joint out of my Yale rejection letter. Life is grand.
this whole plan B standoff thing with her is really starting to make me nervous
It's ok I'm watering my plants with a 40 in my camelback, people are staring
That's the kind of break up sex that keeps couples together. Damn.
Why is there an ambulance refusal in my pocket? I'm never going drinking with you again.
Just threw up in front of the Boy Scouts on my base. Welcome to the Navy kids.
Winning pick four numbers were just 6969... if I were 18 I could've won 20,000 dollars.
I just want a man to crawl into my bed with me and never crawl out. Anti socialism at his best.
And the next morning he asked me why I had clothes on so I said so that he could take them off again.
I'm at the nutcracker high as shit. It's so beautiful. I cried.
I like to make sure they know it's casual by giving then a high five after sex
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