just saw a DUI checkpoint outside of a taco bell...i feel like thats cheating...
When she was giving me head last night it felt like there was a NASCAR pit crew working on my dick.
I'd like to personally thank you for not letting anyone puke in any of the salad bowls this time
If that really is brett favre's penis, no wonder she ignored his calls
In retrospect pumpkin carving while drinking Patron was a bad idea.
Aj and I already plan to tape our thumbs to our palms so we know how it feels to be a t-rex.
well shes beginning to earn a reputation as "the girl who tries to bone her hook ups in the ass with a pickle"
The best part about passing out on the floor was the fact that when I pissed myself, I didn't piss the bed again.
Dude just texted me asking if I could drive 45 mins for a quickie dude use your hand
I sent "Rawrrrr" to 151 matches on Tinder. I feel like thats a substantial size of the DC female population.
I've decided that it's a bad thing. But I've also decided that I don't give a fuck.
I assume you passed out however I'm drinking jäger and beer in bed with my cat so your friendship world have been appreciated
I've made this amazing blanket/pillow cocoon combo and I am set for life in here.
He made me a flamingo drink and now I don't know why things are the way they are.
And I just got smacked in the face by my cat. Apparently I'm supposed to be awake now.
Randomize
