just went to get groceries. a cashier said she saw me last night. i guess i carried a broom back from the party and swept the street the whole walk back...and i claimed to be in the cast of wicked
I asked what she wanted from Hawaii. She said a baby like Aaden from JK 8.
where am I supposed to find one of those?
Too late. I'm going over there. I'm a bad example for all women: Do as I say, not who I do.
i am not allowed to pick the men i sleep with anymore
So, you didn't have time to come pick me up but you did have time to get plastered and then write "champagne money" on every one of my statuses for the past month?
Hey I think I found part of your tooth next to your wine bottle in the floor board of my car.
On campus. Grown men in women's sexy bee costumes. Complete with legwarmers. This cannot be real life.
I'm bringing vagina and cookies. You'll be fine.
All I know is that I'm not gonna send out SOS messages via twitter for your rescue this time.
This is going to be the time I got green body paint on Chris' ceiling all over again...
My roommate has gone Christmas crazy. It looks like Jack Frost came all over my living room. Wanna come fuck me in the fake snow by the fireplace?
Strip mythology. Everyone wins. Most of all me.
Whoever labeled dysfunctional a bad thing obviously never saw this frinedship coming.
I asked him if we could switch positions so I could watch the Olympics... I'd say date number two is a miss
Why are you naked at 4pm?
Its my birthday, I dont have to wear clothes
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