I felt like helen keller
But she could have totally found that shit before me
Sorry, I have to go home and feed my nepotisms
Sorry, I can't talk, there's a herd of nepotisms headed my way
It's not real sex if he's just convulsing inside of you.
I love reading their "i love you more" , "no i love you more" war on facebook today knowing that he hooked up with me last night. I bet i know who wins that one.
He told me he doesn't dance and he hates drunken excitement. Why I ever thought it would work is beyond me.
She fucking ripped my chandelier out of my ceiling. How does that make her a keeper?
Jim came in did 3 body shots of her she said "I like your tongue" and they left. I swear to god its deja vu he's done it before
I don't know if it was his cologne or his Jesus hair, but he was much more fuckable than last time I saw him.
Now that I think about it, it may have been the 6 pitchers of beer.
Babysitting for someone you accidently sent nudies to is so fucking awkward.
dont iron anything. we fucked on the ironing board. details to follow.
I generally just try to vote by which candidate I think has the bigger dick. Sorry Romney.
You are in a fancy European city. The best way to truly experience the city is through Tinder
it's like my ID runs away from me when it knows it's time for me to drink
last night I used snow as a chaser
Sorry I missed your birthday party. I caught a dick and rode it to O-Town
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