I haven't seen Daniella all day...are you sure she was safe going home with that guy?
oh don't worry! i asked him if he was a rapist. he said no
they just did a mariachi cover of free bird
yup, got lost on my way to the final. maybe i should have gone to this class all semester
my mom used to put diet coke in my bottle. i can pretty much handle anything.
i love that you felt the need to clarify that you don't actually have drugs in your vagina.
I remember now some guy came over and hit on me and poured peppermint schnapps and chocolate syrup in my mouth. Pretty sure he was dressed like Santa....
If you were a good friend you would take the nipple tassels off me before the ambulance comes.
I'm about one sudden movement away from being able to cross "throw up in a fortune 100 company's bathroom" off my bucket list.
I'm so tired of waking up with my bed full of deli meats.
It was a fight. Me vs nature and drunkenness. And nature won. Big time.
YOU BETTER NOT BE SHAVING YOUR LEGS RIGHT NOW IM TRYING TO HELP YOU
There's a guy running dressed as a bunny toward your house.
At some point the phrase "I've hit rock bottom" stopped having a meaning and became my general state of life
Tinder has really served to stimulate the number of sex related demons summonings.
So I just accidentally joined a bar crawl and got a free shotski of Jameson. I love life.
Randomize
