pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
I think I'm maturing; i was gonna watch porn and then take a nap but i motivated myself to put my laundry in first.
I don't have any swimsuits that don't show off the weird handprint bruises on my hips. Do you have a onepiece I can borrow?
Delete her number from his phone. He keeps slurring how he's going to get her "all sorts of pregnant".
Jordan and I are drunk and barred out at the liquor store sitting in the awesome $70 Corona bench bargaining with the owner for a lower price, all while passing the Belvedere bottle between the two of us. Real life. College has down this.
Lets go see if some hobos will give us a prostate massage for a 40 ounce.
I CAN'T DO THIS MUCH FABULOUS BEFORE LUNCHTIME
He keeps texting me videos of fish swimming in his fish tank, so I think it's safe to say he's back on weed.
Might I also add after my boss threw up in the garbage can and yelled puking rally, he dougied, then told me I wasn't about that life.
I woke up and found piles of popcorn in a trail around my house, ending at a laundry basket full of pillows. What were we trying to catch last night?
My life hurts
I woke up 30 minutes away from the bar, my car was at a train station, and when I got home all I got was the speechless head shake
Just tried to do a line with a snorkel I cut off... that is how my Aruba trip is going!
Currently rolling a blunt in the bathroom of Planned Parenthood
Keep in mind this was 2012... YOLO was a very new concept.
How do you politely tell someone to get out of your house in Russian
Randomize
