is the fantasy fufillment of sex in a hot tub worth the possible infection?
i feel like a lion cub that has been breast fed for years, and mom has left, and now i have to learn how to hunt on my own
Fuck. That. I'm gonna get drunker and make them regret they EVER put me at the kids table. I'm a MAN.
When else am I ever going to have a chance to do lines with T-Pain?
Omg, looked at my call history, and judging by the times of calls it took me like half hour to walk home frommcds
Bathtub guy came to. He helped me roll the fat chick away from the fridge. Shower and breakfast are on. You're plan failed!
These are your "grown up" slampiece's new hours of operation; please plan accordingly
Totally just drove past you riding your bike. I was like damn, that looks like a cute little hipster boy, and then I realized it was you and that I'd already banged you and it kinda made my day. I hope you're well. Come over soon?
Reached a new low last night. Passed out. With my pants down. On the toilet. At ihop. Waitress had to wake me up.
Novelty of the week: Getting my lipstick back in an evidence bag
I don't know, but I assume drunk me had her reasons. I trust her judgement.
The best part of the night was you shouting "I have to take the LSAT tomorrow" between shots of fireball.
I need to stop acting like a porn star that isn't getting paid
Still, being medically ordered to stuff things in your vagina is amazing.
We were making fun of some people having sex on the beach, an hour later we were having sex on a golf course
Randomize
