Somerville?? What the hell are you going to do there?
Watch a movie and have sloppy make outs OBVI. 45 Harris St. in case I die.
Let's bang like we're on a Lifetime Channel movie.
I managed to convince my mom that my hickey was a birth mark I have always had. She cried for an hour about being a terrible mother for never noticing it.
I wiped a tear off her cheek with my boner. It cheered her up
I'll offer my penis as collateral. You can hold title to it till I pay you back.
I may or may not go. send a pic of a nipple so I know how much fun you're having
I didnt say frisky time, just alone time, to chat, or watch a show, or stare into one anothers eyes, or souls, or asses, whatever you straight people do
You better buy her a motherfucking bunnyrabit to make up for this. And me footsie pajamas for being a cockblock.
I got Pilsbury cinnamon rolls for us to have tomorrow, but I don't have the willpower to leave them in my fridge overnight, so I am eating them all and getting us more in the morning
I love you more by the minute
because of daylight savings time I lost an hour of sex with an incredibly hot guy last night. thanks a lot farmers.
I got myself off in the shower last night for the first time ever! I just looked like I was playing a game of twister.
What kind of true American would I be if I didn't just smoke weed in my bathrobe on my back porch in the middle of suburbia on 4/20? #stepmomoftheyear
Bruh why you gotta judge
You're awake at 3:30 in the morning RSVPing to a musical, I'm well within my means
Is she still on a quest to lick every stranger that enters the bar, or have the restraining orders reached critical mass?
There were 16 girls and 31 titties. That’s how the club was. Lance doesn’t get to decide ever again.
Randomize
