he put listerine on his cock to make the taste more "enjoyable"... i think hes a keeper.
the size of his penis is telling me NOOO! but his bank account is telling me YESSS!
i jus dunped the rest of my drink down the sink and tool my bra off. pretty sure this is the best decision for everybody.
i put his shirt in a ziplock bag to preserve his smell
please tell me you are kidding me
someone just laughed at me while i'm laying on the floor waiting for the bus. like they've never been hungover.
Come down here. We are watching people walk through the paper we taped in front of the elevator.
lit a joint with my parents wedding matches today, this is what happens when you're out of lighter fluid. didnt even feel guilty.
being pregnant is like rehab
Attempted to dodge my boyfriends cum last night and ended up falling off the bed and getting the worlds most painful charlie horse. fuck my life.
So just what does one wear when attending a sex toy party with ones mother-in-law?
Jeans and a nice top.
Stormed out of the house in frustration and now I'm in public and have to take a rage dump. Today sucks.
Last night was incredible. I can tell by the nacho cheese on my jacket
It's settled. One of us is going to bang her brother. The world demands justice and he's hot. We'll be the justice league if it were made of alcoholic whores
If I could I'd magically teleport drugs and alcohol to you. Like a bad decision fairy.
Who the fuck hid 3 Zimas under my pillow?! Icing doesn't count when it's 8am the next morning and everyone's left and you've passed out on your couch. Currently chugging 2 of 3...
Randomize
