I chose taco bell over sex...
good choice.
God dammit. Now I'm pissed at Arizona, while feeling bad for my poor, poor penis.
His stupid grin looks like he's mid-ejaculation
Mother fucker. I'm a 30J now. I'm fucking speechless
Im eating the cereal I found in my pocket and drinking wine out of the bottle.
Just got a message from a guy on a dating site who says he helped me remove lime pulp from my eye in a club toilet 2 weeks ago.
i think i had to give the cab driver my id to get home last night because i couldnt talk.
We are lost and the only things we have are peanut brittle, cookies and vodka. I think we'll make it.
let's just say I never want to get pulled over and have to explain to the cop why I'm wearing a false beard again.
yes, i was eatting raw cookie dough and fingering myself at the same time.... is there a problem?
She is larger then a hippo. You could cut her open in the middle of a blizzard and crawl in like Luke skywalker. Throw a couch and a tv in there and you're set
you really need to stop getting laid in my dreams more than i do.
So I've been in more fights on one leg than I've had on two.
Just sitting in the tub googling "how to remove sharpie from skin". You?
i feel like if my pee,blood, or vomit is on it...it should belong to me by default. can we make that a rule?
Randomize
