i can now get sex on a playground off my list of things to do in life.
We decided to smoke and then made crosses on our foreheads for ash wednesday
mom would be proud
Im only slightly posetive that left over guacamole and wine are unacceptable for breakfast at 6.30 am
There is a full size piano in the middle of our road. Please tell me you had nothing to do with this.
i need to start using my dry humping skills. i was dry humping champion in 7th grade
We were all definitely blackout with drunk goggles on, even though you and Amanda were the only ones dressed up as it.
I WILL PAPERCUT YOUR URETHRA YOU DO NOT STEAL A MANS SECOND BIG MAC
in the future when you find clothing in your street, just assume it's mine.
Laying in bed nude eating a Big Mac with a cat. It's gonna be a good year.
Like he held up the condom afterwards, twirled it with his finger, and said "look at that load"
you flipped over the sheets and there was my bed. filled with ding dongs.
That guy I hooked up with in new york last 2 statuses are "I'm going to be a father, it's a girl" then "wow syphilis sure does burn" I'm legit scared... What has my life come to.
Woke up to find that I was cock blocked by no more than three people.
I just used a bag of jelly beans as an arm weight...I'm not sure what to think of myself
I wore my old cheerleading uniform.. He came before I even touched his dick. Should I be irritated, or flattered?
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